Submitted by: miront via Submit a Kludge!
Most people play to H-O-R-S-E. They’re playing to the pain. – Ms. Fix-It
Favorite Comment: Fixer Dogmeat knocks it out of the park (yes I know, wrong sport)
“First things first, we play to H-O-R-S-E .”
“No! To the pain.”
“I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that game.”
“I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon!”
“That may be the first time in my life a man has dared trash talk me.”
“It won’t be the last. ‘To the pain’ means the first thing you lose will be your pole, from the ground, then your rim, at the bolts. Next, your net.”
“And then my backboard, I suppose. I beat you too quickly the last game…a mistake I don’t mean to duplicate today!”
“I wasn’t finished! The next thing you lose will be your left shoe followed by your right.”
“And then my replacement basketball hoop. I understand. Let’s get on with it!”
“WRONG!! Your kludged hoop you keep, and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing its hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps upon approach, every basketballer who cries out, ‘Dear God, what is that thing?’ will echo in your mind when you play. That is what ‘to the pain’ means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.”
