Submitted by: Unknown
Via: Cracked.com
-
-
Copy & paste this:
« Previous Pirate Motorcycle is Sick of Your Jokes | Gas Tank’s on The Left, Right? Next »
» 27 Kludgers Kludging
Leave a Reply
-
Jury Riggers Unite!
Pops on So Is It a “Wood”f… jeremylakeman on C’mon, Kid, What’r… yarnofmoo on Okay, The Remote’s Fixed… ............. on When You See It… AgentKittehOrange on How to Open a Beer the Drunken… Bikemanjoey on There, I’m Trying to Fix… Angelo on Historical Thursday: Peru… Mike Gervasi on C’mon, Kid, What’r… robinbobcat on Kludgers! A Call to Arms! stringman on So Is It a “Wood”f…
![\"Quantcast\"/](\"http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-483xl95pmUiaY.gif\")
so true
Tool: Safety Goggles
What the instruction manual says: Protect your eyes from flying debris
What you actually do: Use it as a temporary container for screws, etc.
Tool: Welding hood
What the instruction manual says: Keep you from being blinded by the light from projects involving any kind of torch, keep sparks out of your face
What you actually do: Breathe heavily and wave a flashlight around like a light saber, while claiming to be everyone’s father.
Tool: Magnifying glass
What the instruction manual says: Use in combination with really tiny screwdriver for repairing small devices
What you actually do: Solar-powered ant incinerator.
Tool: Vice
What the instruction manual says: Hold something still while you work on it
What you actually do: Get those damn pistachios open.
Tool: Goop
What the instruction manual says: Remove grease and oil stains from your hands
What you actually do: Gel up your hair
Tool: Steel-toed work boots
What the instruction manual says: Provide protection for your toes against dropped objects
What you actually do: Enhance the threat of a kick in the crotch
Tool: Spray ether
What the instruction manual says: Spray on a tractor’s breather to help it crank up
What you actually do: Combine with barbecue lighter to make a flame thrower.
I’d say it’s time for the return of the best comment on the front page.
Respect.
Hahaha, this is awesome! I have to make one correction though:
Tool: Vice
What the instruction manual says: Hold something still while you work on it
What you actually do: See how many times a quarter can be folded.
Send in the Vice Squad, with Vise-grips.
lol awesome
FYI: Original can be found here: http://www.cracked.com/funny-1691-diy-do-it-yourself/
Originally from Cracked (figured I’d already seen it somewhere):
http://www.cracked.com/funny-1691-diy-do-it-yourself/
Tool: Flymo.
What the instruction manual says: Cut grass.
What you actually do: Try to trim hedge. Trim fingers instead. Visit ER.
Tool: Side Cutters.
What the instruction manual says: Cut wire
What you actually do: Trim toenails
Tool: Toenail clippers.
What the instruction manual says: Cut toenails.
What you actually do: Trim zip ties. (BTW: Perfect tool for this job.)
One of my friends once reported seeing a road crew trimming a steep freeway embankment with a Flymo tied to a long rope. Points for creativity, I think.
I think that in the days before health and safety, that was actually a recommended practice by the manufacturer and they even sold special straps for that purpose.
Tool: Plasma Cutter
What the instruction manual says: Cutting thick metal sheets into artistic shapes.
What you actually do: Play mad scientist with it.
Classic…
This offended me. Some of us actually have a clue what to do with tools. Then I remembered what this site was and stopped being offended and laughed
Phew, thought we’d lost you there, for a second.
I have done all of theese and more at one time or another.
Hilarious. Quite accurate too.
Swiss army knife.
Multi purpouse tool, mostly cutting tasks.
Used as a mirror to check your white teeth with.
I’m a carpenter, and I do all of these things on a regular basis. Especially the tape penis and roach clip pliers.
Folding Rule:
Measuring tool
use as all purpose (beer)bottle opener
or
extend and just wave around the room poking people/stuff
Timber is wood yet to be processed. Lumber fits the bill better in this list.
what’s about duct tape?
Duct Tape
What the Manual says: has a dark side and a light side. used to hold the universe together
What you do: write your name in Bubba Jay’s backhair with it and rip it off.
Make a boat: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ESfodwZmuuI/S79hNHrvsPI/AAAAAAAAA5Q/_J6__9z_nhw/s1600/mythbusters.jpg
its weird that theres another version of it…
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/randall/diy1.jpg
Tool: Extra-long needle-nose pliers.
What the manual says: Use to grip things in hard-to-reach places.
What you do: Unclog a vacuum cleaner.
Yes, I did that once, when my dad’s vac got clogged with new-carpet fuzzies.
Tool: Stove.
What the manual says: Use to cook food.
What you do: Melt metals.
I’ve melted zinc on a jurry-rigged hot plate that used an element from a stove.
Tool: Car.
What the manual says: Transport your family from Point A to Point B.
What you do: Take out the back seat and the wall between the back seat and trunk, and use the car as a truck.
I did this with my car. I don’t yet have $$ to buy a truck.
Tool: Compound Miter Saw.
What the manual says: Use to cut lumber at different angles.
What you do: Cut firewood.
I do this about every other day.
Tool: Universal Remote Control.
What the manual says: Control any device in your entertainment center.
What you do: Control your universe.
I use my mind to do that job (universe, not the e-center) Mind over matter.
Tool: Waterjet.
What the manufacturer says: Use to cut various materials.
What you do: Cut anything that will fit in the cutting envelope. And then some.
If I win the lottery, I’m buying myself a waterjet.
In case you don’t know what a waterjet is, visit http://www.Wardjet.com.
Can’t… stop… laughing!
The compressor: instruction manual states; for powering devices and pleah pleah…pleah… REAL use: blowing up100ct box latex exam gloves in record time for children’s birthday party. See also clearing bookshelves and sweeping floor with appropriate add-on (air trigger sprayer made with 4ft long 1/4″ copper tubing, end crushed flat for extra blow out pressure) of dust and cat hair, multi-tasks as child lift device when hefty cinch-sack applied to end of nozzle. See manual pg24: one of many reasons woman shakes head in disgust and contemplates divorce.