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Submitted by: dunno source via Submit a Kludge!
But all I want is my Mingus Dew. 
– Ms. Fix-It
Favorite Comment: Fixer landminecat says, “Having unintentionally relieved itself on the concrete, the vending machine hastily beats a retreat, stumbling over a pavement and shedding a few bricks on its way.”
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The clever Cokus Delectus waits patiently for it prey, weakened by thirst, to walk into its trap.
It’s a trap!
Drink Coca Cola, or else…
Your “my Mingus Dew.” link doesn’t work outside the US, in there i fixed it style tried proxys and win!
Bahahaha!! Sealab reference FTW!
Having unintentionally relieved itself on the concrete, the vending machine hastily beats a retreat, stumbling over a pavement and shedding a few bricks on its way.
This is the body shop owner’s way of getting new business. When unsuspecting victims drive to closely, the vibrations from the engine along with the vibrations from the tires moving across the concrete cause the machine to fall forward onto the vehicle, thus requiring repair from the industrious and unscrupulous proprietor.
More people are crushed to death by vending machines every year then are killed by sharks…. I can see why now..
If customers are having doubts in the garage door message “Fix Flats”, they better think twice!
…and I say to myself… I need exact change!
*discreetly opens small container of termites and dumps them out on the wooden beam under the front of the vending machine*
*laughs maniacally while contemplating devious plan that will unfold over the next few months as I will be long gone by then*
Approach slowly and tread lightly. Best bet is to use it from a distance. With sticks, maybe. And for the love of God, be GENTLE!
May contain Crush.
But…but…surely if they turned the brick the other way it would be level instead of leaning back! It’s driving me nuts!
Dear Sir, We are sorry to deny your application. While we are aware that being crushed to death by a vending machine is a painful occurrence, it is neither uncommon, or unique. We could provide you with a list of past qualifying deaths, but seeing that you are already passed on, that would be redundant.
Sincerely,
The Darwin Awards
Sure we fix flats, but the balance of our business is Coke.
isn’t this in toledo, ohio? i swear i’ve seen it….if not then they’re multiplying!
the more i think about it, the surer i am. this is definitley in toledo. i have sat ten feet from that machiene, and i remember looking at the block thinking, “not thirsty anymore….”! and since this is in ohio; it’s POP, not soda!
No! No! No!! It’s “pop” not “soda!” When it falls on you, your organs POP, not SODA!
And I see the wet spot where they hosed away evidence of the previous victim
hey, heyyy buddy, got 65 cents? c’mon man, you can spare 65 cents? Hey, Come on, All I’m asking for is sixty five CENTS man, I LOST MY LEGS IN NAM, HOW ABOUT 65 CENTS!!!
Be careful opening that…it might be real fizzy
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT THE COKE MACHINE!