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Submitted by: IsaacLara via Submit a Kludge!
Where do you suppose Joe Hawtness hides it when his mom brings in the afternoon snack?
Favorite Comment: Fixer gigabytousai says, “He’s gonna grow up thinking that real women have cheat codes.”
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PACMAN
I’d play that gameboy.
I’d play that.
What a counterproductive mod. He clearly doesn’t know women that well, as when he pushes her buttons she’ll take it personally and give him the cold shoulder for a week. No gaming for you!
That’s why the joystick is there. Something has to fill the void of sexual tension, why not a rather non-sublime phallic symbol?
“NEO-GEO NEO-GEO! Four bright buttons and two joysticks…”
wait…
Billy was never so happy to have a busted controller in all his prepubescent life.
Using one of these is going to make you feel a right ti–
…nah, too easy.
Now four days a month he has to not only give up playing but loses his ipad
(very sorry)
*very slow headshake…*
(Very loud, very deep voice) “ULTRA-FAIL”
don’t be sorry – i thought it was brilliant!
I’m wondering what the version for women would look like. I mean, I know what the joystick would be, but where would the buttons go?
It’s like a wiimote, you only play by motion.
(look, I kept that one soft)
If you’re playing by motion and it’s still soft, you’re doing it wrong.
nah, something is just … borked
BWAHAHA! Jam for the win!
You never saw a wiimote, didn’t you?
Does anyone else think the cluttered mess here suggests this is the same room as the one the spoon drill was in?
or the ninja ceiling fan?
I think this entire site was photographed in a single location. Maybe some huge junkyard with a “castle” made of tires and decorated with beer cans.
A twelve-car garage in an old barn with a couple school bus carcasses at the back… And don’t get me started on the basement.
Neighborhood kids have regular dares about trespassing at night, and the local ER keeps a log of the distance achieved. Rumors say big bobby made it to the garden shack, but his mommy won’t let you ask, the foaming mouth makes it already hard enough to clean the padded room.
I think the whole website was photographed on the Island of Misfit Toys.
misfit toys = walmart ?
Did somebody say Misfit?
AAAAHHH! My daughter was into Jem when it was first aired. I can’t even get away from it here!
Speaking of Kludges….
“Where do you suppose Joe Hawtness hides it when his mom brings in the afternoon snack?”
He doesn’t – he just changes his hand-hold:
“Joe, dear, it’s nice that you’re fondling boobs rather than playing those silly video games all the time – but when are you going to stop practicing and get a real woman?”
probably never
Honey, you told me to keep you abreast of my feelings and so here’s something I have to get off my chest: you’re just too controlling.
Don’t be so upfront, she’s going to make you feel like a total boob.
He knows how to push all of her wrong buttons.
“Son, when I said you need to learn how to push a Woman’s button’s, this is not what I meant.”
This is one way to give some handicap to that pro Street Fighter friend of yours.
are you required to link to one of the lesser network sites in every post?
He’s gonna grow up thinking that real women have cheat codes.
We do…and I’ll tell you one for free — “shoes”
I know another one, starts with diamonds and usually ends with Xs and Os.
Family Guy has taught us well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ur2er-STls
We do. He cheats, she kills him (or, if she’s really in a nasty mood, makes sure that he survives to learn from his fail).
Oh?
And what if she cheats on him?
Don’t laugh, I’ve had that happen to me.
↑, ↑, ↓, ↓, ←, →, ←, →, B, A, and a pint of chocolate sorbetto gets you extra lives.
Wait… they dont? Thats not fair, mine cheats on me all the time…
They do. It’s $$$$$^$$$$$
Okay…I’ll explain it one more time. The finishing move sequence is fondle, caress, fondle, grope, squeeze, caress, stroke, stroke, grope, fondle, nuzzle.
ROFL!!!! Great comment!
I was gonna say that video games and women’s breasts have a lot in common:
– they both give a man pleasure,
– we can mindlessly stare at both for long periods of time.
– even though men don’t know all the right buttons to push, we just keep on pushing buttons till hopefully something works.
Yeah, I know I’ve had quite a dry spell lately, but I seem to remember those as having 4 less buttons…
…and one less phallic object protruding from the upper chest.
No no no, she’s supposed to play with your joystick. It’s just weird the other way around…
My thoughts too, I mean, nothing against chicks with sticks, but its not for me.
/me backs away
Want to play Ms. Pacman? You’re doing it right.
So the moral is: if you want to score, you have to have good form.
What’s the button combo for bra removal?
the Konami Code of course
Beat me to it.
Fumble, fumble, peek over shoulder, fumble, wait for exasperated gasp and let her do it.
Scissors also work when you’re short on time.
Somehow methinks makeout session would come to an abrupt halt if any guy tried to actually cut off a girls bra. ;x They’re $20!
you got cheap bras then, I can’t find any that fit me for less than 40€ D:
Sick burn on Joe
The Joystick of Sex!
So what’s the cheat code for unhooking the bra with one hand?
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A
hmm… no dice. : P
wonder where the joystick for a guy is….
No, don’t you see, once the monitor/head is installed, he’ll get all the practice he needs for looking a lady in the eyes.
I would love to have one.
Hey! Get your hands off my … um, clavical. o_o
defend-her
*cues losing horn*
up down up down a b a b select start
First activision made guitar hero, then DJ hero and now………. well you get the idea
I don’t think we’ve seen one that can go on GraphJam yet.
hey hey don’t play so close to that joystick, and please pull your pants up!
up up down down left right left right b a select start. Where’s select, start?!?!?!
This is just wrong. A real man would have put the joystick coming out of one nipple and a button on the other one. It is completely possible to play this female torso controller, as configured, without actually placing the hands on the breasts and copping a feel. FAIL!
Typical gamer. The controllers are up too high. He thinks its ergonomically and the poor mannequin is just wondering when its HER turn to come.