Submitted by: 207826191 via Submit a Kludge!
Ten free Internets to the Fixer that comes up with the lyrics to “Kludgin’ Dirty”. Entertain me. Annnnd, go! – Ms. Fix-It
On this historic post, there will be no Favorite Comment. Instead I present you with a poll! There were a lot of funny klugdin’ rhymes but these two really went above and beyond. Who do you think deserves to be the author of the “Official Kludgin’ Dirty” lyrics? Voting will be open thru Monday morning at which time the winner will be announced and Operation: Get Weir Al’s Attention will begin! Both finalists after the jump!
Finalist One: Fixer DCR!
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
I know they’re all scoffin’
While I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ while I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ while I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
You know I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Look at me out kludgin’ dirty.
I wanna roll with
Inventors
But so far they all laugh
‘Cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ while I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ while I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I’m out there kludgin’ dirty.
Jury rigging, kludgin’ dirty.
Replaced clock face with a DVD,
Duct tape and pen while wearin’ my BVD.
Something don’t fit, gimme my ol’ saw, you’ll see,
WD-40,
I’ll fit it in a jiffy.
My rigs never fail to the contrary,
Though they may look quite scary,
All that duct tape keeps them stable, very.
Goldberg inspires my kludge-muse fairy.
My 4×4 is all totally kludged out,
Gotta hot tub sitting in my extended bed.
Yo! I painted it a banner bright red.
Ain’t got no shocks but it’s got quite a spread.
I diddle with appliances even if three-phase.
I’m a pro with the bungees, can tie them six ways.
Once you see what I do with bottle caps and trays,
You won’t be scoffin’ no more, you’ll be really amazed.
There’s no water tap I haven’t spun,
Got all wet, but, the job got done.
Hack away at desks and shelves for fun.
I ain’t got a clue but I gotta soldering gun.
Broken switches, a penny will solve that.
You don’t trust my kludges? Look at where you just sat!
I fixed your favorite chair with a bat!
And with a case of duct tape, I made that floor mat.
My kludges are all that!
I’m kludgin’ to the extreme, cleverer than I seem.
I’m kludgin’ ATVs and TVs just to let off some steam!
Only kludgin’ I ever found was hard
Was how do I kludge a pool in the backyard?
Don’t wanna dig a big hole
Or weld some kiddy pools
Guess I ought to get some better tools!
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
And rollin’ their eyes ’cause
I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
All because I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Look at me I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I wanna roll with
Inventors
But so far they all laugh
‘Cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I’m out there kludgin’ dirty.
Jury rigging, kludgin’ dirty.
Finalist Two: Fixer Ceci
You see me kludgin’
My pickup
Passengers sit in the bed, I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I’ll make it work
No big deal
Just a splice here and there and I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I am mean with a socket wrench
And I can Frankenstein any work bench
You say you’ve got a lynchpin without the lynch
Well so what, I can make it do in a pinch
What is welding for, if not to kludge
Or else I can mix some epoxy, and sand it so it’s not so boxy
Oh yeah, I’ve got some kludgin’ moxie!
I have duct tape, my tricks will make your mouth gape
And when all else fails I can pile it up tall
A little rope, no way is it gonna fall!
No laws of physics can ever hold me
You won’t hear me say,”that is NEVER going to fit”
‘Cause I’ll grab my Dremel and cut a hole in it
I’m so darn good at what I do that Rube Goldberg would have been quite impressed
By superior
Kludin’ skills, don’t need a dare
Redefine any hardware
Whatever will need repair
I’ll MacGyver that kitchen sink and chair
An old saw horse has more than one use
Some folks would claim that this is home repair abuse
That just means they can’t kludge ‘cause they’re too obtuse
Give a whole new meaning to “got a screw loose,” and that is my excuse
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I’ll make it work
No big deal
Just a splice here and there and I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
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Copy & paste this:
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Cut it out…
They see me kludgin’
They hatin
While i’m duct-tapin’ and kludgin’ dirty
You know i’m kludgin’ dirty,
I be really kludgin’ dirty,
Jury rigs and kludgin’ dirty,
Kludges so epic I’m kludgin’ dirty,
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
Repairing they tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Necessity is my mother
She bangin’
They hopin that they gon catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
I would go on… but no.
I had a friend in high school who did something similar to an old Suburban. He used to drive around with a smug look on his face, though I don’t know why, because it definitely did not make him into the chick magnet he was in his own mind.
Top Gear did something similar a few years back in the process of making a “people carrier” into a convertible. Ambitious, but rubbish!
This is what you are talking about i think! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eoUutOsZoQ It is awesome!!!
The whole story
http://www.gminsidenews.com/forums/f45/pontiac-trans-sport-concrete-saw-time-79455/
The door still slides?! Rock on, kludgers!
I’ve got the Chevy version of this van. The door track is just below the window. So, yeah. There’s no reason the slider wouldn’t still work. I want to see them fit it with a ragtop!
Clever choice of vehicle, anyway…the older Pontiac Trans Sport vans weren’t unibodies in the usual sense, so there aren’t as many structural issues with doing something like this. They had a metal space frame with mostly plastic body panels attached.
Nto to mention… it’s actually not a bad look for a pick-up. I mean, it looks way better as a truck than it did as a van. Kinda reminds me of the smaller GMC pick-ups from a few years ago, which were the same sort of… cute…
erm, sorry I don’t see the kludge – what am I supposed to be looking for???
it’s a minivan turned into a pickup truck with seating in the ‘tray’
Going by the other comments: When the vehicle was built, it was not a pickup.
ok, sorry with it being a foreign vehicle I wasn’t aware that it wasn’t originally a pick up, I assumed that to be the design and was looking for a kludge that wasn’t there.
they see me kludgin’
they hatin’
Taping they tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
My music so loud
I’m kludgin’
They hoping that they gon catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
tryin to catch me kludgin’ dirty
Police think they can see my tape
painted it so it wasn’t easy what I made
When you see me ride by they can’t see my tape
and my homies in the back and the rims, they fake
ride with a new crew, they like hold up
….
They see me cutting
I’m taping
Handpainting, never catch me when my hands arent dirty
Never catch me when my hands arent dirty
Never catch me when my hands arent dirty
Never catch me when my hands arent dirty
Never catch me when my hands arent dirty
Got a glue gun
And some spray foam
Got 4 hours, gonna make it purty
Kludge it up and make it purty
Kludge it up and make it purty
Kludge it up and make it purty
Kludge it up and make it purty
“make it purty”
FTW!
ahaha amazing!!!!
Actually, as a Kludge, I think it is one of the better thought out mods.
well done. roll bar is a nice touch. i’d like to see the other side to see how the sliding door was dealt with.
Check out the web link (a few posts up). The door appears to be functional, though the roll bar might take away from its usefulness.
All-in-all this is a good kludge…of course if it was me, I’d just get an old 1/4 ton pickup and bolt some jumpseats in it. But that wouldn’t be kludgin’. That’d be makin’ sense.
Life was rough growing up in Ridgefield Knolls, Connecticut. At any moment, you might get shot by a photographer for some magazine or newspaper article. The po-po were always hounding you to date their daughters. You never knew where your next meal was coming from: the country club, that black tie italian restaurant, and so on. The pressure was almost too much for a young preppy thug to handle. Fortunately, the parties up at the cabin by the lake in your drop top minivan helped take the edge off.
So true. You know, it’s hard out here for a pimp. Especially in the upper middle class suburbs of the East Coast…
…where you have to get a B- or better in “Intermediate Pimpin’ ” before you can take “Big Pimpin’.” If this is their Spring ’10 I.P. term project, I think these three are heading for “Remedial Pimpin’ ” in the summer.
No, no… These are kids whose families tend to leave early for school vacations and come back late. “No can do on the summer term, Teach! AND we gots to leave for our house in the islands by Wednesday before Spring Break, ‘else we lose our time share on the private jet, and then we gots to fly commercial. Now, how the HELL am I supposed to smuggle my weed in then?”
So, with the extra credit for the Intermediate Pimpin’ class project on pot-smoking completed over Spring vacation (took the trouble to make arrangements for bringing along special equipment, see?), they’ll skate in over that necessary B-, just you wait and see.
As opposed to “pimping” a ride out with absolutely useless crap with things you’ll never need, like a PS3 and plasma tv in the trunk, this has a practical use. It sure gives tall people an opportunity to breath.
…I would. I really would attempt to write the lyrics, and I might’ve gotten a good set, but I got here late and everyone had bested me to it. Instead, I shall have to sate my curiosity by attempting to play it on my garage band’s hacked-together instruments. I made them myself, so there’s only a 15% chance of them catching on fire!
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
I know they’re all scoffin’
While I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ while I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ while I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
You know I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Look at me out kludgin’ dirty.
I wanna roll with
Inventors
But so far they all laugh
‘Cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ while I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ while I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I’m out there kludgin’ dirty.
Jury rigging, kludgin’ dirty.
Replaced clock face with a DVD,
Duct tape and pen while wearin’ my BVD.
Something don’t fit, gimme my ol’ saw, you’ll see,
WD-40,
I’ll fit it in a jiffy.
My rigs never fail to the contrary,
Though they may look quite scary,
All that duct tape keeps them stable, very.
Goldberg inspires my kludge-muse fairy.
My 4×4 is all totally kludged out,
Gotta hot tub sitting in my extended bed.
Yo! I painted it a banner bright red.
Ain’t got no shocks but it’s got quite a spread.
I diddle with appliances even if three-phase.
I’m a pro with the bungees, can tie them six ways.
Once you see what I do with bottle caps and trays,
You won’t be scoffin’ no more, you’ll be really amazed.
There’s no water tap I haven’t spun,
Got all wet, but, the job got done.
Hack away at desks and shelves for fun.
I ain’t got a clue but I gotta soldering gun.
Broken switches, a penny will solve that.
You don’t trust my kludges? Look at where you just sat!
I fixed your favorite chair with a bat!
And with a case of duct tape, I made that floor mat.
My kludges are all that!
I’m kludgin’ to the extreme, cleverer than I seem.
I’m kludgin’ ATVs and TVs just to let off some steam!
Only kludgin’ I ever found was hard
Was how do I kludge a pool in the backyard?
Don’t wanna dig a big hole
Or weld some kiddy pools
Guess I ought to get some better tools!
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
And rollin’ their eyes ’cause
I’m out kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Scoffin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
All because I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Look at me I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I wanna roll with
Inventors
But so far they all laugh
‘Cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
Laughin’ ’cause I’m kludgin’ dirty.
I’m out there kludgin’ dirty.
Jury rigging, kludgin’ dirty.
“I ain’t got a clue but I gotta soldering gun.”
FTW
WIN!
This is so much win. Now if someone would only make it into a youtube video parody.
“I diddle with appliances even if three-phase.” <– Started to chuckle right about there… Impressive!
You, sir win 10 internets. Now somebody HAS to do this with the music. It DEMANDS it.
Nice to know there are lots of Weird Al fans here on the Cheezburger network !
Trans-Sportamino? Yeee Haaa!
Actually, its named the “El Sportino SS”
check out the link in a previous comment! awesome.
Sweet, they finally made a new Twisted Metal game.
This is so ridiculous, it’s awesome.
Look! Out on the road! It’s a Van! It’s a Truck! It’s Van-Truck!
They see me sawing
my Chevy
I know they all think that I’m insane and crazy
But I’m just so smart and kludgy
But I’m just so smart and kludgy
My van it used to
Be ugly
But now it’s sweeter than a Lamborghini
‘Cause I’m just so smart and kludgy
‘Cause I’m just so smart and kludgy
The jocks think they can laugh at me
Just ’cause I ride in a rusty Chevy
Wait ’till they’ll see me in my pimp-out ride
With it’s tape and it’s paint and it’s cheap bling-bling
My rims are made of string, cardboard and foil
I find that chrome is too expensive
Stole my neons from a Christmas Tree
Red and green just makes it so merry
My back seat’s spring painfully poked your ass
So I stuffed a mattress into the back row
Yo, carbon fiber’s so past date
The cheaper alternative’s duct tape
I tint all my windows with cellophane
I’m a wiz like McGuire
When I kludge this van
Once you see my sweet trunk, you’re gonna stay amazed
I’m building fridges in here, but they caught aflames
There’s no speed meters working in this car
The needle’s stuck at forty-one
A serious question, sorry: are there street-legal issues with this?
probably! The integrity and the safety of the vehicle have been compromised. Although the bars were welded in for structural support, there is no way this vehicle is street legal. It was just driven on dirt roads in a small town.
umm…. you can see the license plate on it. I’m not saying it SHOULD be street legal, but it looks like it is.
It was street legal when i parked it that day. but when we drove it around i was very worried that the police would impound it. you would certainly get some questions from the OPP or Ministry of Transportation. If i were to sell the van as it was, it would need a special mechanic to safety it. God knows no respectable man would sign off on that being safe.
Thank God were not respectable people around here. Give us a case of our favorite booze and we’ll sign off anything.
I’ll take the comment in good humor.
It’s a visual metaphor for the entire Pontiac division.
Ive always wanted to do that to one of those!
Actually, this reminds me more of the response commercial to the “Wassup!” guys–you know, the cheeseball geek types who went around saying “What are you DOING!” “That is CORRECT!”
Major dorks:
Ten more Internets for the first Fixer to come up with a parody for “Kludgin’ Dirty.”. However, I think Weird Al’s “White ‘N Nerdy” is more than apropriate with this kludge.
I like this proposal a lot, as I was just thinking how the group in the picture is probably not the most worthy of street cred. To tide you over until you get a parody (of a parody?), and because my brain is full of useless information, especially for 1980s pop culture, here’s some old school white people’s rap from an episode of ‘The Facts of Life’:
I got credit cards everywhere
I got millions in my trust fund, I don’t have to care
My son’s at Harvard, my daughter’s at Smith
Comin’ home this weekend with her boyfriend, Biff
Polo in the front yard, swimming in the back
The maid’s in the kitchen fixing me my snack
I got my gin and tonic, but she forgot the lime
Gonna put her back on welfare, ‘cause she does that all the time…
Wow, apparently this is a long song. And it looks like I’ve been outrhymed! Oh well, maybe I can be verse 3 (even though I patterned off verse 1)?
You see me kludgin’
My pickup
Passengers sit in the bed, I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I’ll make it work
No big deal
Just a splice here and there and I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I am mean with a socket wrench
And I can Frankenstein any work bench
You say you’ve got a lynchpin without the lynch
Well so what, I can make it do in a pinch
What is welding for, if not to kludge
Or else I can mix some epoxy, and sand it so it’s not so boxy
Oh yeah, I’ve got some kludgin’ moxie!
I have duct tape, my tricks will make your mouth gape
And when all else fails I can pile it up tall
A little rope, no way is it gonna fall!
No laws of physics can ever hold me
You won’t hear me say,”that is NEVER going to fit”
‘Cause I’ll grab my Dremel and cut a hole in it
I’m so darn good at what I do that Rube Goldberg would have been quite impressed
By superior
Kludin’ skills, don’t need a dare
Redefine any hardware
Whatever will need repair
I’ll MacGyver that kitchen sink and chair
An old saw horse has more than one use
Some folks would claim that this is home repair abuse
That just means they can’t kludge ‘cause they’re too obtuse
Give a whole new meaning to “got a screw loose,” and that is my excuse
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
I’ll make it work
No big deal
Just a splice here and there and I’m kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
There I fixed it, kludgin’ dirty
http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3367284/3
it’s an explorer sport with the back chopped off
They see me kludgin’
They hatin’
They buyin’ but they can’t look all kludgin’ dirty
‘Coz I’m the kludgin’ dirty.
‘Coz I’m the kludgin’ dirty.
‘Coz I’m the kludgin dirty.
‘Coz I’m the kludgin dirty.
My duct tape so old.
It’s swangin’
They hopin’ that they gon’ look all kludgin’ dirty
Can’t look all kludgin’ dirty,
Can’t look all kludgin’ dirty,
Can’t look all kludgin’ dirty,
Can’t look all kludgin’ dirty,
They think they can look like me,
But it ain’t so easy to be
Quite so kludge-done-up as me
So much duct tape the old truck gleams,
Ride to a new job, they like hold up,
Next to the boss’ new Corolla,
Turned a Porsche into a growla
Boss you ain’t seen, I’m kludgin’ like Frankenstein
Just tryna drive don’t want no felonies…
They see me kludging, they’re hating my proper english,
they keep trying to find me using proper english dirty,
when I’m trying to enjoy the kludges, the awesome kludges.
Years ago, there was somebody down the street who turned their VW squareback (or maybe notch back) into a pickup truck.
I expected a beer in the hand of the driver
the keg was hidden from sight
dejavu
If GM had made this instead of that ugly van
they wouldn’t have gone bk.
A better-selling vehicle could only have *delayed* GM’s bankruptcy by a few months, or if it was a really big hit maybe several years. But GM’s ultimate fate has been inevitable for decades, and this fact has been obvious (to anyone who pays attention) at least since the eighties, if not earlier. Eventually GM’s assets will be sold off piecemeal in an attempt to repay a percentage of the company’s debts.
While we’re at it, Ford may seem okay for the moment, but that’s mostly because Chrysler and GM died faster, leaving Ford a good chunk of their share of the market. Long term, there’s an excellent chance Ford won’t make it either.
IMO, it will be interesting to see who ends up with GM’s intellectual property, especially the trademarks, what, if anything, they do with it. The rights to the Corvette product line, for instance, would definitely be worth something in the right hands.
That is really the only way to have a Lumina van.
Oh. For a minute there, I thought that dcr was a friend from my internets past. :/ Different DCR apparently. Ok, continue on.
its a Redneck Shuttlecraft!
the El Camino Class Runabout…..
it’s the child of a suv and a el camino
Question of the Day: What do they do when it starts raining? Umbrella’s and 60MPH don’t mix.
I like it! Visit my site Truckars on Facebook for more “utes” from around the world. I love this style and I hope that “utes” become more popular in America as gas-savers and small cargo vehicles. This one is really nice because of the aerodynamic front end and the back does not look rough as if cut by a sawzall or blow torch.
It looks like the cab is boxed in with plexiglas. The back is probably just unpleasant in wet weather. Oh well.