Submitted by: Artemis via Submit a Kludge!
…You Don’t Even Have Wedges. Get Down From There. – Ms. Fix-It
Favorite Comment(s!): Fixer Soundnous says, “And here we observe the Predatory Tacky Ikea Chair in it’s natural habitat, waiting patiently above a doorway. These small predatory pack hunters will, upon sensing the vibration of approaching footsteps, will leap onto unsuspecting prey, impaling it with it’s deadly rubber-tipped fangs, and instantly injecting deadly WTF-toxin into it’s blood, killing it within seconds.”
AND: Fixer TheAntiCat replies, “There is a small, underground culture that uses WTF-toxin in a watered down form to get high. They call, ‘awesome sauce’.”
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what were they thinking?
Who? The chairs?
LGB, you’re doing a good job of leaving your mark on this place.
Is that good or bad, TAC?
‘Tis good.
Most probably kareklaphile but with sadistic curve.
Another “Darwin Awards” winner…
In case of emergency our exit doors have anti-panic bars: just push to open them. Our chair brigade will make sure they stay open until evacuaton is complete.
By the way, I can’t even think what the HSE people would say if they saw something like that. Actually, I think they’d all just drop dead should they ever open this website at all =P
I see nothing wrong here. This is a school of fine arts, and those chairs are just props.
And to think I refrained from making a pun involving wedge and wedgie.
It wasn’t easy getting those from the office furniture store… Can you believe they wanted us to sit on them?
After the chairs break, Indiana Jones slides through, grabbing his hat and whip just before the doors shut….
if the condition of the suspended ceiling is any indication, those chairs are a minor concern.
Haha, I know where this is, but I cannot tell!
Because then we’d have to kill you.
Pleeeeeaasssee???
I am here squirming in my seat a bit with clenched cheeks thinking there are two people sitting somewhere in the building on a couple of door wedges.
You’re squirming? That sounds like the tacit admission of a person who is sitting on a door wedge.
Who’s the other person, then?
LOL! Just a regular seat and an overactive, Calvin-like imagination (minus the tiger).
Ransom note:
“CAlviN, wE haVe yeR TigEr. WE hAve dOorsToPs. GivE uS yEr LuncH mOneY, or tHe tIger gEtS iT”
It’s a high chair. And another one!
Maybe they are just getting high.
Things are not the same anymore at the office after David Copperfield stopped by and asked if he could use the toilet.
They must have a leg up on the competition.
I’m sorry, honey. When I asked the ticket scalper what row we were in, I thought he said “four”…not “door”.
What? They can see things much better from that vantage point…
The Chinese acrobats and Cirque du Soleil members must feel right at home here.
Get the repairmen, the anti-gravity in the building is acting up again!
…Wait, you’re telling me you don’t have anti-gravity in your building? Man, haven’t you heard? Anti-gravity chairs are the future.
Now, you two sit up here and think about what you’ve done. You can come down when you’re ready to apologize.
The Wallenda family always were pretty tough disciplinarians.
And here we observe the Predatory Tacky Ikea Chair in it’s natural habitat, waiting patiently above a doorway. These small predatory pack hunters will, upon sensing the vibration of approaching footsteps, will leap onto unsuspecting prey, impaling it with it’s deadly rubber-tipped fangs, and instantly injecting deadly WTF-toxin into it’s blood, killing it within seconds.
There is a small, underground culture that uses WTF-toxin in a watered down form to get high. They call, ‘awesome sauce’.
I think that’s one of the ingredients in wow-wow sauce…
ChairLand Field Guide
Predatory Tacky IKEA Chair
The only way to escape from an IKEA Chair is to let it bite you, but show signs of distress. First off, always keep a screwdriver in an easily accessable pocket. When the Chair attacks you, unscrew on of bolts holding it together, leaving a hole where it was. Then, while the chair bites, nearly try to get it off (actually trying would just encourage it), but only rip a gash, then let it inject the poison. When you start to feel tingly, tip it’s target area so that you can spill the blood with poison into the hole caused by removing the bolt. Chairs are immune to the poison, but it does slow them down, giving you time to escape. However, you will needs to run very fast afterwords, because this method will make it mad, and this species, the Door-Climber Chair, will collect duct-tape and tape your hands together, you mouth shut, and then steal your screwdriver so it can screw in it’s bolt. There is no chance of escaping when a Chair does this, and it is a painful way of dying. Rest in Peace, ones killed by the Chair.
As I may not have mentioned, the ChairLand Field Guide is a very fail book. I find that the best way to not be harmed by a door chair is just to not get attacked.
Things hadn’t been going well lately for the company, and it became obvious to everyone in the department that there was nowhere to go but up. Step 1 in new business plan: Remove all ceiling tiles.
Safer then the magazine rack a la Breckfast Club!
“The door’s WAY too heavy, sir!”
That scene is exactly what popped into my head first.
“That’s very clever, sir, but what if there’s a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir. “
Yes! Thank you! first thing that popped into my head when I saw it…
I was in that hotel. I was coming back from the bar and I was a little bit drunk, so I sat on a chair. For a reason I couldn’t explain, the door kept hitting me and first thing I know, my head was touching the roof. I knew I should be careful with these chicken wings.
Akshully, I’ve been many places where we could have used this idea, instead of having the doors falling back into the faces of on-comers.
Or to hold the door open while the vacuum cleaner’s cord has to be stretched through, but not cut.
A door in the face one might expect, but a chair leg in the eye, not so much…
Blackbeard once said: Aye! Tis’be better than a peg leg in the eye.
Got your butt out of the hot seat and you got yourself right in a jamb again!
Prison breaks are becoming so easy these days.
little jimmy was terrified to learn that his new schools time out included his two greatest fears, corners, and heights. He immediately stopped jamming rocks down the faculty bathroom toilet.
why me?
As somebody who has had to repair any number of doors because some cretin had the bright idea of jamming something into the door jamb at the hinge side to hold the door open I must applaud the creativity of the janitor who used this approach to holding door open while he/she scrubbed/polished the floor.
Simple. These chairs are contemplating suicide after being rejected as suitable straightedges by Professor X.
…this is when the jewish newly-weds made their escape through the drop ceiling.
If only Mawell had been put in one of the time-out chairs instead of Writing 50 Times, he really could have Come Down Upon Her Head… and saved the Silver Hammer for fixing the door.