If You Can Switch It Off, Mr. Bond, I’ll Let You Live
Submitted by: amirzaim via Submit a Kludge!
Favorite Comment: Fixer Dogmeat says, “Ceiling fan is watching you amputate!”
Guess he got tired of monotony of just watching you. – Ms. Fix-It
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Hey, hold my beer and watch this…
Timing is everything…and reflexes
WTF?? Who was the genius here?
That would only become a problem if you lost the remote control while the fan was still on.
I’m not sure turning it on if you lost the remote is a good idea either…
Well, he can either die or have one of his arms severed. Either way, Bond is gonna get hurt.
Do you know, I think that fan really could sever an arm. My grandma had that exact same model of fan, and even as I child I was always afraid that one day it would broke off from the ceiling and decapitate half the family.
And to this day I’m honestly surprised it never did. I swear that thing had the rpm’s of an airplane propeller. And that was on setting number 1. No joke.
Maybe it would be OK if you guys didn’t have the blades sharpened every spring.
What? It’s tradition.
Lol! That’s the best thing there is to see on this page. Good one.
Unless you have 10′ floor to blade clearance this type can only be used in a commercial setting. I got a recall notice from (big home improvement store) the retailer. They gave me a Hunter for just bringing in the reciept. The original is still humming away waiting for the unwary.
Those Hunter fans are weird. They don’t mount like normal fans, you have to kludge them just to mount them. They are not at all electrician-friendly.
Break not broke
The kludge is that the guy drilled the hole in the wrong place, so the cord shows.
Also, how did they mount this on a drop-tile ceiling?
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Visit my site to read my newly published story, “Ragnarok.”
The usual Fool’s Move is to just screw the baseplate of the fan to the drop-ceiling grids, and that looks like what we have here. The grids are strong enough to go a few years like that – but eventually metal fatigue is going to get it.
The smart & legal move is to use the proper spreader-bar mounting box, and several suspension pipes/bars from the ceiling structure above. But that’s no fun…
it appears to be mounted on the flimsy metal strips that hold up the tiles… not meant to bear alot of weight, or the torsional forces of one of these fans. sooner or later the metal will fatigue and fail, with predictable results. hopefully, the power cable will support it long enough for people to scatter while it self destructs. poor fan.
That fan’s just there for its good looks. I don’t think it’s being used, as there is no perceivable dusty build-up, and anyway, no one can reach the control. Besides, I suspect the owner’s not the type to remember where the remote is, although he could be the type to have bought it on discount because the remote was missing.
Good looks? That fan? o_O
I think that’s the speed control, and the power switch is elsewhere. I’ve seen a simarly-done setup at a local eatery/bar, except hard-mounted to a wooden ceiling beam. That way there is no chain pull for drunken idiots to try and grab for. Some people just can’t handle their tequila slammers.
Um, the more the blades turn, the less dusty buildup, in my experience.
You can do it, Luke. Use the force.
You gotta cut the black wire with the laser on your watch. (assuming that you are Mr. Bond)
Ceiling fan is watching you amputate!
Forget Bond, get the Doctor. Nothing a sonic screwdriver couldn’t handle.
Get the Doctor? No.
This kludge may scare the living daylights out of you, but Bond is no octopussy. He’s got balls. Thunder balls. So if one of those fan blades can cut off a gold finger, big deal. And if it can poke out a golden eye… well, that danger is for your eyes only. As for Bond, he’s going to die another day.
And yet the theme song I can’t get out of my head is from none of those; instead, it’s the one by Carly Simon. grrr…
Is it the Guy who loved me?
If you run a strobe light at the exact right frequency it will look like the fan isn’t even moving at all. Sure you’ll still get hurt trying to turn it off but at least you’ll FEEL smart…
GENIUS!
the oerfect trap
“you good sir, turn on the fan please”…. -snap- -splat-
tehehe
What is most amazing is that there are no extra holes in the ceiling tiles from trying to reach up there with whatever’s handy: yardstick, pool cue, fireplace poker…
broom handle, grandma’s cane…..
…prosthetic arm…
Some things in life are just try, and try again…
That must make it cut and try.
Hmm. I don’t know. It’s got me stumped.
What ever happened to aunt Peggy?
I thought she drowned in the kiddie pool with uncle Wade.
No, that was Bob. Aunt Peg is doing stand-up comedy on stage with Uncle Mike (it’s a pretty lame act).
I don’t know how to tell her, but the lamest part of that act is when Peg dances with her sister, Ilene.
Really? That usually floors her brother Matt.
Matt’s always under foot. The other brother, Art, prefers to hang out against the wall.
He’s definitely the lazy one, slacking off while his brother Moe does all the yard work. It’s sad, really.
While the cousins, Kurt and Rod, just hang by the window watching.
Together you all have forged all-new levels of WIN! Thanks for the belly-shaking laughs!
It’s actually a modified leaf blower, so Russell can measure the side line.
I didn’t know we were still working outside, but if you give Jimmy a moment to open the car, we’ll go over to Doug’s and borrow a shovel.
Okay, you can let Jimmy open it but don’t let Nick or Chip get anywhere near that car.
Or their weird smoking buddies, Piper and Char. I told their parents if I saw them here again, they’d be hearing from my attorney, Sue.
Okay, so go get the shovel and then come back and join Moe in the lawn. Maybe Leif can help, too, but don’t call up Chuck because he’s not feeling well today.
Thanks for the warning—I won’t call up Chuck; I think he ate some bad roast. I was talking to some of their teachers, Ed and Mark, who told me that in this group, it seems like Matt is always welcome, but Rod keeps getting cast out.
Rod is still reeling from having Gail blow him off the way she did so she could be with Bill (who, incidentally, still owes Jack money for helping him with his car). What a mess!
That’s too bad, because Jack’s a great mechanic. But I’ve been wondering if Bill can even pay the rent this month. You know, I even heard that his banker, Rich, has been trying to contact him. If he isn’t careful, he’ll have the courts sending Will out with some pretty scary legal documents.
Oh oh! You can take it to the bank that Rich has the money to hire some of the best collectors. There’s Dirk (although you can’t trust him ’cause he’ll stab you in the back) and that sharp guy (I think his name is Brad) who’s bound to nail you. Bill should really talk with his attorney, Rose, who’s pretty good with thorny issues like this.
If Rose isn’t available, it’s because her daughter has been really sick lately. Make sure you remember to pray for Marcie. But at the same office, there’s another lawyer, Barb, who is also good with sticky situations. She’s very tactful. And I’ve always found her assistant Frank to be helpful with spelling out the pros and cons of things.
If you need some prayer support, my cousins Grace and Faith can help. But the real prayers will come from my cousin Neil.
Thanks. Grace and Faith are tricky ladies to handle sometimes, though, and I think they make Neil and his wife kind of seem like outsiders in the family. But Marge and Neil are really great people, even if they aren’t always socially accepted by everyone. Unfortunately, it just got worse when their daughter Di decided to open that funeral parlor.
My friend. you forgot my sister, Charity. bless her sole, while she was married to Mat she always felt underfoot.
Charity is so blessed to be married to Grant now. They are so generous with all those scholarships they hand out every semester. I was just saying to my friend Dean over at the college how great they were. My nephew Victor just won some of that money for school next year.
I just saw Barb on the beach with Sandy. She looked up and saw Cliff who had on a new jersey that Della wears. Next time this happens Alaska.
That Cliff guy is weird, really into diving. And obviously he has wardrobe issues, stealing Della’s clothes this way. I keep debating about introducing him to my friend Taylor. I think Cliff lives just up the road from Rocky, that guy Sandy gets together with when she’s at the shore. Maybe they could double.
If Taylor’s plans for the weekend aren’t sewn up, my artist friend, Drew, would love to meet her. His dating record has been a little sketchy, though. There was that sweet girl, Candy, and then there was Dawn, who was too much of a morning person for him. Things seemed to be going well with Dottie until she caught the measles. You know? Come to think of it, maybe Drew isn’t the one. Should I check to see if John is occupied?
Little Birdie told me we’d hear from you again. I’ve been up since Dawn came calling early this morning. Don’t know what to do about her! Seems to come by almost every day. I’ll be back later to discuss things, but I have errands to run this afternoon. I have to take Harry to the barber, and drop Reed and Arthur by the library. Oh, and I better make sure Phil put gas in the tank…
I’ve had a busy day, too. First, I had to take Crystal and Tiffany shopping for a wedding gift for their friend Brooke (you know, the one who’s always babbling about this or that). Then we went to the prison to visit with Uncle Rob and on the way home, the weirdest thing happened- we ended up at Destiny’s house!
I need to let you know before you try to set Taylor up that John is most definitely occupied—I guess you haven’t met his new wife, Mary! Although if she doesn’t adjust more quickly to that guy’s bathroom habits… Well, let’s just say that while he may be a cracker-jack plumber, he ought to know better. But, he should go buy a better belt, too. Which reminds me, it was nice of you all to take Crystal along shopping. She’s been feeling pretty fragile since her breakup with Gene. They used to go the mall together a lot; Gene’s got the most amazing wardrobe—you ought to see how many pairs of pants that guy has! But I guess they couldn’t survive all the stress from failing to conceive any kids. Gene kept going to that reproductive specialist, but to tell you the truth, I think he has some complications from that STD he picked up back in college from Carrie.
Was that after Phil had to go down the street to pump Ethel?
That Phillip will pump anything! *sigh* Do you suppose it’s too early to meet Sherry and Brandy at the pub?
They must be Jack and Daniel’s blind dates.
Forget the pub- we should throw a big party! We could invite Bernie and match him up with Ashley (she’s pretty hot!). For food Pattie could make some hamburgers, Barbie can grill up some shrimp and I know Ginger could bake some cookies in a snap. Stu’s good in the kitchen, too, and for good measure, we should invite Basil and Rosemary just to spice things up. That should take care of the food and maybe we could get Carol and Melody to bring some music.
Oh, and don’t forget to invite Peter or he’ll be pissed. And please don’t invite Fanny (she’s such an ass).
To be Frank. If Fanny can’t come I’ll jump for Joy.
We should get Pam—she’s really handy when you’re cooking almost anything. Practically runs the neighborhood restaurant—I don’t know what they’d do without her. She might bring that guy who’s her flour supplier; I think his name is Graham or something. She said he’s especially good with desserts. I hope Joy doesn’t show up, actually, because all that jumping has people hogging the trampouline, and I actually heard that Peter probably can’t come. There are a lot of people on the list! I think we can afford to have one or two Skips, though.
I believe it was with uncle Eddy.
That Eddy was always stirring up trouble down by the lake, and the rest of the time he acted like such a bump on a log. Not so different from your uncle Rob, then, I guess. I remember when Rob tried to heist that gem store with Ruby and Pearl. I don’t even think his buddy Jules was planning to help him fence the stuff, either, believe it or not. The group might have gotten away with it, but it had been so long since Pearl had handled a pistol. But it’s mostly Rob’s fault for borrowing so much money from that loan shark, and now he’ll never be able to pay Owen back.
Hey, is that Pattie O. who’s in charge of the burgers? I have some of her lawn chairs I need to return.
I’m Fawning over the idea, but if it’s Dusty when Dawn comes will we be able to see through Marvin’s windows?
I shouldn’t say this, but if Tom’s with you, he’ll try anything to peep in. Ernest is pretty determined, too, in these situations, even if Dusty does try to block your view. Don’t ask me to go if Ben’s over. If Ben’s there, I’ve done that, and I don’t want to be seen hanging with Chad or him again.
The guy who installed it was just to lazy to install another power line for the speed control unit. It surely was a ceiling light power outlet, so somewehre must be the main power switch at all … so Mr. Bond just walked to the power switch an the wall and pressed it and spent the rest of the day with his bond girl on his flight back to UK
The thing is, if you watch Mythbusters, you know you’ll only be decapitated if there’s a lawn mower engine powering the fan.
Since this is a kludge, there probably is a kludged up mower engine on the other side of the ceiling tiles…
Boy am I glad I got the extra “Clapper” by just paying “shipping and handling” while watching late night TV!!
Unfortunately, it’s hard to clap with one hand.
how would you know?
have you ever heard the sound of one hand clapping?
I think it pretty much sounds like this: *facepalm*
To me it looks like that’s just the speed regulator. The switch is probably (hopefully) on the wall.
Its a picture of the fan inside the upside-down house! The switch is actually on the floor.
Circuit Breaker … end of problem.
I think the problem is not actually turning off the fan. The real problem is setting the speed without breaking it and without needing to turn off the fuses… OK, it’s really easy: I just need to remove the tile marked with an X upside while on the ceiling to turn it off before going to bed. I had to do that because my children were annoying turning it on and off constantly.
This was taken from the “How to keep people from playing with your favorite settings”
APPLAUSE
after catching the flies with chopsticks,this presented a slightly harder challenge for daniel larusso.
That’s the best idiot trap I’ve ever seen.
Ceiling cat is nervous.
This is what you’d call a vicious circle.
Guys, who pissed off the electrician?
if the electrician is pissed, he would had the speed dials wired live
this fan, looks eerily the same as the one I have in my house…minus the speed controller on the ceiling.
have bond use a life line to call McGyver over… he can fix it with just a dart, some string, and a sock!
In Soviet Russia, ceiling fan turns you off.
i was waiting for the russian reversal lol
kc/cc: Only Pauly the Punster has the ability to forgive you. Carry on.
Ahahaha! My secret is this is what a friend and I spent our time on waaayyyy back in 10th grade biology– I think we had a list of over a hundred names you could make stupid jokes with. I can’t believe I still can think of so many, but I bet I have at least 2 dozen more, I’m sorry to say. No fun to go it alone, though. I was so glad to see “Kurt and Rod”– I’d forgotten about them!
I’m in the Gray zone because this is too Zany.
I always thought James Bond turned off fans by shooting them….
No, by boring them, that’s the usual drill I think
That setup could actually be a WIN. It’s an air conditioner thermostat that will turn on the fan when it is warm in the room. I have the same set up in my living room (very high ceiling) – when I use the wood stove the fan will automatically start in order to move the warm air accumulating near the ceiling. MacGyver indeed.
In India, I presume? No problem. No electricity much of the time, so you leave it set for on ( while circuit breaker was off), then reset circuit breaker, and don’t bother thinking about turning it off and on; load shedding will take care of that. When you DO get fan, it will feel like Grace.
The trick is to blow on it in the opposite direction
I hate to bring the party down, but that looks like a thermostatic switch. Which means it’ll turn itself on when it gets too warm, and off when its cool enough.
Or you could always go from the side instead of trying to go sraight through the blades….
Guess what, folks-it’s NOT the controller for the fan. It’s the thermostat for a corporate-owned building! B-b-b-b-u-u-u-u-r-r-r-r-r-!
BEHOLD. THE AMAZING SUPER AWESOME CEILING FAN! We promise that once you turn it on. You’ll never wanna turn it back off!
These fan blades won’t amputate any part of your body, dont believe me? Watch Mythbusters, theres a episode about the myth of the killer fan.
oh and in my experience, one time in high school a classmate was winning maths table tiggy, he jumped on the table with his hand up and copped a bruise across the back of his hand, we all laughed at what a jackass he was. The same could happen to grandkids fiddling with their grandparents ceiling fans, “That’ll teach those damn whipper-snapper kids!”.
Theer cheers to whoever made it. The fan will win the best awards — Either for High Utility for Running Nonstop or For Long Life if Mr Bond is not available to Switch it on.
i like how that they changed the blades to metal instead of wood like all the others
hahaha reminds me of saw
That is actuall a line load-bearing thermostat. Room gets warm to set temp fan automatically kicks on.
That’s just too funny! Thanks for the good laugh.