Submitted by: dunno source via Submit a Kludge!
Check out more epic kludges!
Warning: Smart car does not improve intelligence level
UPDATE: Thanks to the Fixers who pointed out that this awesomeness was brought to us by the artist Johannes Vogl. – Ms. Fix-It
More Epic Zombie Thread!: I’d just like to say, I look forward to reading these just as much as the rest of you. Kudos to these entertaining Fixers! – Ms. Fix-It
Started By: Fixer vistan says, “Day 143: Ran out of dried, shriveled beans to use as ammo. Found an old can of hairspray and a lighter in the bathroom, and created a flamethrower from an old bicycle handlebar. It’s not much, but it should give us a few extra days. And maybe some BBQ, for a special treat!”
Then Fixer Bridge says, “Day 144: Just discovered that while Pantene burns moderately well, Oust sprays flame like a pink dragon’s breath in the morning. Killed some zombies, but now the den is on fire, blocking my only exit. I managed to create a ladder with some old boxes and a trash can to escape from the ceiling, but I forgot my flashlight. Currently adjusting the flamethrower to double as a torch for light.”
Followed By: Fixer jamisings says, “Day 145: Found a stash of mom’s old Aquanet up here. Burns zombies like no one’s business. Barely escaped from the blaze from yesterday with my life. Now taking refuge in the local 99 Cents store. Stale candy and flat sodas should keep me going for awhile. And there’s plenty of hairspray and other aerosols to refuel with.”
Next came Fixer Donnie with, “Day 146: Found stilt-boots left here by maintenance guy. Looks promising for stomping zombie heads into jelly. Also found more duct tape and another broom stick, no hand saw yet.”
An Observation: Fixer Wolfen says, “Day 146: NOTE TO SELF: Kludged flamethrower does not work on the soaking wet swamp zombies…. damn…”
Then Fixer Strife says, “Day 146 (continued): The store is no longer secure with the advent of additional undead forces. I’ve fallen back to the employee and office areas. Hopefully, the traps I built will hold for long enough so that I will be able to build something with the supplies I moved back here. Thankfully, I did find more duct tape.”
An Exclamation: Fixer Blackmoore says, “Day 150: PAYDIRT! I found the stuff I needed to make more than a few batches of napalm. and with my flamethrower I should be able to light them up from a distance.”
The Next Day: Fixer Dirty0ldman says, “Day 151: I tested the fatty acids extracted from whale blubber (napalm) to check its effectiveness… it is good. I made improvements to the delivery system by fusing leftover canned farts i pressurised a few months ago. By mixing some of the napalm mixture with combustible farts – I made the perfect incendiary grenade.”
And Concluded By: Fixer Chazz says, “Day 152: Note to self; home-made napalm burns a lot longer than home-made flamethrower fuel. I’m going to have to come up with different traps for the rear emergency exit so I don’t box myself in again.”
-
-
Copy & paste this:
![\"Quantcast\"/](\"http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-483xl95pmUiaY.gif\")
That’s not a kludge. That’s art, and it’s beautiful!
sorry to reply to this, but I wanted this at the top…
if anyone is interested in reading the zombie saga in (sorta) order, I’ve put it together (as of this posting) at http://zodiacpoet.diaryland.com/100130_72.html
I will add more if more is posted.
This actually looks pretty awesome, if you ask me.
Good for zombie fighting, cooking bbq, and roasting G.I.Joe figurines at a 10 foot range. Frikin awesome.
Best looking hair on the Tour de France.
Best quote hands down
Day 143: Ran out of dried, shriveled beans to use as ammo. Found an old can of hairspray and a lighter in the bathroom, and created a flamethrower from an old bicycle handlebar. It’s not much, but it should give us a few extra days. And maybe some BBQ, for a special treat!
Day 144: Just discovered that while Pantene burns moderately well, Oust sprays flame like a pink dragon’s breath in the morning. Killed some zombies, but now the den is on fire, blocking my only exit. I managed to create a ladder with some old boxes and a trash can to escape from the ceiling, but I forgot my flashlight. Currently adjusting the flamethrower to double as a torch for light.
Day 145: Found a stash of mom’s old Aquanet up here. Burns zombies like no one’s business. Barely escaped from the blaze from yesterday with my life. Now taking refuge in the local 99 Cents store. Stale candy and flat sodas should keep me going for awhile. And there’s plenty of hairspray and other aerosols to refuel with.
Good work on the zombie story so far, I’m planning on adding some entries myself.
Keep up the good work, the story has a few fans.
Day 146: Found stilt-boots left here by maintenance guy. Looks promising for stomping zombie heads into jelly. Also found more duct tape and another broom stick, no hand saw yet.
Day 146: NOTE TO SELF: Kludged flamethrower does not work on the soaking wet swamp zombies…. damn…
Day 146 (continued): The store is no longer secure with the advent of additional undead forces. I’ve fallen back to the employee and office areas. Hopefully, the traps I built will hold for long enough so that I will be able to build something with the supplies I moved back here. Thankfully, I did find more duct tape.
Day 150: PAYDIRT! I found the stuff I needed to make more than a few batches of napalm. and with my flamethrower I should be able to light them up from a distance.
Day 151: I tested the fatty acids extracted from whale blubber (napalm) to check its effectiveness… it is good. I made improvements to the delivery system by fusing leftover canned farts i pressurised a few months ago. By mixing some of the napalm mixture with combustible farts – I made the perfect incendiary grenade
Day 152: Note to self; home-made napalm burns a lot longer than home-made flamethrower fuel. I’m going to have to come up with different traps for the rear emergency exit so I don’t box myself in again.
there should really be a page for this zombie epic tale it’d be awsome to read all the zombie tales in order
Day 153: Decided to add a fuse made of rope that I wove out of hair I ripped out of my own head to a can of hairspray for an incredibly destructive but short lived grenade. I plan to use them to escape the store, destroy the swamp that is the source of the ever dreaded swamp zombies and start heading towards the fireworks factory somewhere nearby.
Day 155: Don’t know how I escaped that blast. Apparently having not had a proper bath in 155 days has lead my hear to have an overly flammable amount of oil in it. That or it’s all the explosive chemicals I’ve been using. No zombies at the fireworks factory; unless they followed me..
Day 156: It’s the damn Chinese zombies again! I have no idea how they found me, I should really write the dates down in my journal instead of writing Day XXX.
Then I would have known it was frikkin Lunar New Year.
Day 159: Safe again having narrowly evaded the New Year fiasco. The zombies were distracted in making a giant paper dragon to parade bneath, and I made it out of the factory by climbing on to the roof through a skylight and then riding a “Uncle Sam M3000″ over to the next building.
About to enter the building from the roof. The sign says “Urban Outfitters” so I hope that I’ll find plenty of military surplus and urban tactical equipment in here…
Day 158, 02/16/10: Man, they never stop coming. 2 days straight without a break, haven’t even had time to make more weapons. And the only thing I’ve been able to salvage are fortune cookies, and my fortune sucks. Time for me to bounce. I’m gonna make a run for the toy factory.
Day 156: No use staying here there’s just way too many damn zombies. Why are they all hangin out around the Fireworks Factory? Then again who cares…. Time to light this place up and head out. I acquired a few materials in which I’ve crafted this wood grain GPS. It showing the hospital is just a few miles from here, I need to get there and see what kinda supplies I can get. Now if I can figure out how to mount this on my bike.
Day 157: The fireworks factory has plenty of explosives to last me a while. Those damn Chinese zombies have surrounded the factory, and some have gotten in. I only wish that I knew lunar new year was hear so I would have planned ahead. I made a couple of rockets by getting about 50 bottle rockets, tape them together with the duct tape I have, and light the fuses all at once with what’s left of my flamethrower. Also working on making a rocket launcher with mortar tubes and mortar fireworks to have an explosive effect. I found a map of the city and discovered a weapons shop down the street about a mile and I will head there soon with my homemade weapons.
Day 158: I managed to find the former owner’s stash of illegal fireworks. Turns out, an M-80 wrapped in duct tape(sticky side out) makes a really good sticky grenade. Unfortunately, There’s only about 20 of them, and the damn Chinese zombies are at it again: They’ve started stacking up their dead kin and using the pile as a ladder, and are attempting to come through the second floor windows. I’ll have to work quickly.
Day 160: It’s worse than i thought: urban outfitters is a clothing store. Some of this stuff burns especially well though, and with only two entrances the place is relatively well defended. I can hole up here for a while, but those Chinese zombies must have come from from somewhere. There may be a plane or a boat nearby: if anything, a trip to the airport will at least give me a supply of gas that i can use for my kludge flamethrower, or maybe access to a car so I can drive to… Somewhere. Anywhere but here.
Day 153 : I could barely sleep…the flamethrower issue didnt let me to…i was lucky to find some dried nuts and some chips employees used to stash to have a snack during work…i used the duct tape i found when i came in the office area..it should be enough just to make the flesh eaters trip and buy me some seconds…after all duct tape is for almost everything…i am thinking of a way to barricade the back door…i hope that ill get some sleep today so i can come up with an idea…maybe im lucky enough to dream about it…
Day 146: I think I’ve eaten all the candy my panaceas can handle. Need water. Found a backpack and a shotgun in the back of the store. No ammo, though. Time to move on. I’ve got my eye on Sam’s Barber Shop. Looks deserted. Should be a good source of hairspray, if nothing else.
it’s day 153 now. Read all the posts
Day 160: Discovered that mixing Pantene, Oust, and Aquanet creates a CRAZY flamethrower. I made a grenade with the mix and threw it into the fireworks factory. THAT should kill those chinese zombies!
Day 161: Ever hear the old saying of ‘running like your ass is on fire’? Guess what I was doing after the fireworks factory went up? Had to ditch my supply pack as THAT decidedly caught on fire. Note to self: do not purchase anything from Urban Outfitters I don’t want turning into a Human Torch costume. Stopped to catch my breath after three blocks and the last of my sugar-and-adrenaline mix wore off. In my delirium, I looked up to find either I was staring slack-jawed at a mirage, or it was a 24-hour big-box store. I seriously hope they’d just gotten in a new supply of sporting goods before the zombie outbreak.
I seriously hope the store closed for a holiday; before the zombie outbreak…
It makes me think it could be a weapon from Fallout 3.
That’s exactly what I thought! Like the “Rock-it Launcher”.
Kiss your ass goodbye, fireants!
That’s the best way I’ve ever seen to stop increasing the hole on the ozone layer!
I think instead with a few more of these, it actually might speed the process up, and then just light the whole thing on fire. So about the end of 2012, give or take?
This is what the mayans prophesised.
Day 143: The beans worked moderately well but I found this aerosol can a lighter and the handle bar for a motorcycle. I think this will work better. Need to get my poll-arm back. Wish me luck.
See… stuff like this is why I can NEVER show this site to my dad… He will single handedly bring about the apocalypse.
hahahah!!!
The rest of the bike was used to make a particle accelerator
And a nuke
This would be great for getting the bugs that are out of reach. I love it!
The artist is called Johannes Vogl, rebel:art just featured him a few days ago:
http://www.rebelart.net/diary/johannes-vogl/002905/
Thats not art, thats a guy pissing off a see-saw in a childrens playground.
The court told me it wasnt art!
Stole the words re: zombie invasion right out of my mouth.
sometimes it’s just so hard to get a handle on messy hair
Get a grip! When a gal has a bad hair day she shouldn’t let it derailleur.
wow kazam dono – that was good to the last silly bull.
ooooooooold do you nive hinter the mood?
It’s an elegant, if not over engineered, Mosquito killer!!
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/06/diy-mosquito-killing.html
If you’d ever been in Florida, you’d know this isn’t over-engineered but simply the right tool for the job. There’s bloodsuckers there that Dracula would be jealous of.
I wouldn’t touch that hairdo with a 4 foot handlebar.
Hmmm… I think I have just about everything here to make one of these, except for the lighter, I use a Zippo and don’t have any disposables lying around.
I can see MkII: it’s going to upgrade to V-brakes
And MkIII will have hydraulic disks integrated in some way
ur doin it rong
It’s a … well, I can’t say fly swatter, but fly terminator? Anyhoo, saw it on a “thingamabob” type of a website with actual article about the contraption. As it said, you’ll end up with few fly’s dead and the drapes on fire. ^^
Now he can dual wield a flame thrower and an automatic shotgun for the said zombie invasion
Day 144: I’m out of hairspray already. Few zombies have been stylized though. I realized that Pam, EasyOff, Raid, and Channel No5 work just fine! Can’t say the same for Cheez Whiz spray!
To make this more efficient how about using some duct to tape two clips (sorry hairspray cans) together in the opposite direction for when you run out of ammo?
I can’s seem to get a handle on this one.
Duh! It’s obviously a bicycle tire pump attached to a fire extinguisher.
Sheesh.
I know what I’m making my boyfriend for his next birthday. I imagine he’ll love it, burn off most of his leg hair, and then love it more. <3
I would have bent the handle downward 90 degrees to give it a more gun shape.
put a match in, and you have another awesome anti-zombi wepon
Ummm….that’s what the lighter is for…….
…didnt se that coming…
yet…a zombie killing wepon
Go ahead, make my bad-hair day!!
Hair spray can? No. There definitely should be something evil, like pesticides or even ‘agent orange’. And of course the pic is missing a chainsaw and a decapitated zombie.
Think about wasp and hornet’s nests and one of those jet sprays to kill them — the perfect solution.
I…….. WANT…….. ONE…….. NOW!!!
Then go build one.
I have pleasant childhood memories of torching tarantulas in the kitchen with hair spray and lighter blowtorches. I HATE tarantulas in the kitchen!
So you’re okay with them in the rest of the house?
Only missing the welders faceshield and a fireretardent body suit, but nice try nontheless.
I am having terrible flashbacks to junior high, in which I am riding a school bus that is also carrying the hairspray/lighter crowd and I am not enjoying it at all…
*hiding in hall closet*
Come out of the closet with… oh, wait.
Note to self: When kidnapping Johannes Vogl, do not lock him in the shed.
Lice problem? NO PROBLEM!
could the admins add the tag Kludgepocolypse to all posts with zombie stories like this? would make things more convenient.
-randomguy
Not necessarily kludgepocolypse, just something that mixes kluge with zombie apocolypse. Kludgepocolypse is just the first thing that came to mind.
day 153: Note to self- check direction of nozzle before firing…although that does smell kinda good, and I haven’t eaten in days. Hmmm…
its brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!11!!!!!1!1!11!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!1
day 154: A little fine-tuning was needed for the proper texture and, of course, a little ketchup or salt would’ve been awesome, but I have to say, not bad! The Pam cooked nicely and added a little buttery flavor…
Double Pits to Chesty: ur doing it weird.
Spray paint works better
Perhaps a future Darwin Award winner!
I made one, just to see if it was possible, and it works a treat. Doesnt look as elegant as this but this method works perfectly
Thanks!
I must get plenty of cans of air freshener.
I want my no zombie zone to smell fresh while burning the dead up at the same time.
But I shall be using that basic design. Thanks for that.
I know a guy who kludged up something like that to kill wasps with… but he used WD-40, so it’d stick to ‘em…
Oh! i didn’t know what it was till I read the comments.
Anyone else notice the ads on this page are usually zombie related?
well, just to make up the average:
CHEEZ! BURGER! CHEEZBURGER I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER KLUDGE FIX NO ZOMBIES HERE MONKEY CHOW…. aww, i’ll just leave the ads be.
I don’t remember seeing MacGyver make a flamethrower, but I like it.
Yes, I just inadvertantly said I’m old. Oh Well
Peace All
this is so awesome, always wanted to build that
could i have the site for all of the zombie story thingys?
ARE ALL THESE COMMENTS THE SAME PERSON??? i THINK SO…MAYBE YOU NEED SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP…I THINK YOU MAYBE SUFFERING FROM A SEVERE PERSONALITY DISORDER, AND IF YOU DON’T CUT IT OUT, YOU WILL LAND IN JAIL…HOWEVER, IF WW3 STARTS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO BE ON MY SIDE!!!
i know how this type of bicycle break works. and if that’s a *click it* lighter this would have no problem working.. flint and steel would work but it would be too hard to get it going that way.
can i buy it in amazon?