Submitted by: suranyami via Submit a Kludge!
Favorite Comment: Fixer WhodatIzz says, “Now every bottle is a screw off cap.”
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Seriously, of all the times I was lacking a bottle opener I never had to kludge a solution.
Use the table, chair, teeth or whatever for crying out loud… you’re looking at a rookie!
Amen to this. That stick is all it takes to open a bottle. Forget the screw or the nut (either of which is also sufficient to open the bottle on their own, btw). Real men don’t need to kludge bottle openers (their women should bring them open when they come with the sandwich)
I just use my house keys.
Not as tasty as a sandwich, though.
I have a friend who can use a cigarette lighter. Far cooler.
if you got a clipper lighter you can open beer and wine! how sweet is that….and they cost like 30 cents
improvising a bottle opener is one of the most commonly kludged functions. this was probably made so it wouldn’t get taken. yawn…
Once while camping, I took a screw out of my car’s inner door handle to open a bottle of wine. This kludge seems far less…necessary.
Why would you take wine on a camping trip?
why not?
Also doubles as a corkscrew
This is NOT true There I fixed it. Here’s the story. There is a restaurant in Hue, central Vietnam, who is owned by deaf guy. This guy produces such bottle openers and gives them away for his customers, so they would come back some other time. He writes the date on each opener and the name of the restaurant. I have two such openers, from 2003 and 2008. Oh, and you can see that on top of it there is something written, so it must be gift from that restaurant.
It’s a homemade bottle opener and there’s writing on it… It MUST be from Vietnam!
Louis: even though I submitted this, I tend to agree with you, now that you put it like that.
It IS from that restaurant. I saw it being used at a bbq I was at, and they told me the same story.
I was just in awe of how coolly elegant it was for such a simple kludge. It was, in fact, very good at opening bottles! Which, by your reasoning, makes it probably not such a correct match for ThereIFixedIt.
Indeed it is from that restaurant from Hué, just by the Imperial Palace, I have one at home.
Been there as well, at our wedding we used this to open all the bottles, photo is prolly gonna pop up in one of the photobooks there
Once my brother handed me a beer while I was at my computer, far away from a bottle opener. In desperation I hooked the cap under a desk drawer handle and it worked perfectly! I love that desk.
Useless… That’s fool’s gold.
I have a more elaborate version of this, in the form of a bottle opener a friend brought back for me from a vacation in Africa. It’s a human fist hand-carved out of mahogany, with two screws between the fingers to grip the edge of the bottle. I still think it’s the most awesome bottle opener ever.
Shouldn’t this guy’s hand be outboard of the bolt for correct leverage?
Yeah, he would get better leverage the way you suggest. But I think either way would work.
I was thinking the exact same thing! There’s no way to open the beer with that hand.
Kensey: No, that is the correct way to open it. He’s pushing down towards the bottle, which uses the bolt to pull UP, and the point between his hand and the bolt as the fulcrum point.
suranyami: Yes, but what you are describing is a first class lever, while a second class lever would be optimal for this particular situation.
I thought beer bottles all had caps that screwed OR popped off if you want to use an opener. Or is it only women that can unscrew them?
Canada we have it easy. We just twist the caps off eh?
And our beer has a wee bit more kick to it eh?
Vive la Maudite!
Mets-en, c’est pas d’la bière de fif.
What beer might that be? Though your Whisky ain’t bad.
…and our beer has a bit more wee to it.
He means Canadian beer is stronger. It’s a bit of amyth, actually. Regular (not light) pilsners, pale ales and lagers are all 5% alcohol by volume when you buy them at a liquor store, bar, or hotel. Generally, that’s the same in Canada as it is in the US (the special extra-strength brews not withstanding).
However, Utah, Minnesota, Kansas and Oklahoma the law dictates that a 3.2% alcohol by weight (4.0% by volume) strength brew must be available for sale, and Minnesota and Colorado require that only 3.2% beer can be sold in grocery stores and gas stations. All other states sell regular 5% beer.
So, if you’re in Colorado and you bought beer at a gas station… all I can say is, enjoy your beer-flavoured water. p)
i love when americans get drunk with just 2 of our beers… got love our national beer!
…and…i can open that with almost any article in a kitchen or garage. Not such a kludge
I know a Canadian guy who can open a beer cap with his ass. He twists it off with his butt cheeks. I know you think I’m lying. And I’d think so too. If I didn’t have eye witnesses 0.0
I like this kludge way a lot better. A lot less painful.
I’m a proud born & bred American, but I can’t stand our beer. Anything from the U.K. is fine by me.
Now every bottle is a screw off cap
nt to be picky but it’s a bolt, not a screw.
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The lip of any sturdy metal edge and a pop with the heal of the hand on the top of the bottle usually does it for me.
This is the worst tool kludge I’ve ever seen. First of all, he bought that beer fully assembled. Second, just how is he expecting to unscrew that bolt?
Shoulda just used a lighter and a knuckle.
To set the record straight, only cheap beer has a screw off top. Good beer does not. For example, New Castle and Guinness Draught (long-neck bottle) both have pop off tops, not screw tops.
So does Pabst Blue Ribbon use velcro to hold there lids on then?
When a woman opens a beer for a man she usually gets a tip and she can do it without an opener. I am talking about real women here. And usually if she goes to the trouble, shes gonna drink it.
There’s a saying in Hungary: “Everything is a bottle opener”. Seriously, I’ve seen a guy open a beer with a plain sheet of paper.
No, it’s for real. I’ve seen it done, by a Finn–until today I thought it was a special Finnish national skill.
I’m living in Hungary, and I haven’t heard that one yet. In most places they take the top off for you, and if you’re buying the bottles for yourself, you probably already have an opener. Where did you hear it?
I’ve heard it from my father… and one or two of his drinking buddies. May be a local thing then.
He’s the kind of cheapskate who will not buy beer in a bar, if avoidable, because it costs less in a shop… he’s also the kind of drunk who has, through all his years, drunk like a gazillion bottles of beer, so he’d inevitably need to open a bottle without an opener from time to time. I’ve seen him opening bottles of beer with his teeth, with his keys, with a screwdriver, with a piece of firewood, even with a wire from a CO2 arc welder, just to name a few. The sheet of paper thing, I’ve actually learned that from a university buddy. But it’s also on Youtube, apparently (clicky).
Instead of using the tools to create that kludge bottle opener, use the tools to open the bottle?
You should see what he uses to scratch his nuts…
…a rake???
They won’t work when there’s a screw loose.
“Uh, let’s see… no, my beer-bottle-shaped wrench doesn’t fit it either. Must be metric or something…”
this kind of bottle opener is very common here in Brazil
Real men don’t need beer bottle openers. Their women should bring it to them already open when they bring the sandwich.
TRWTF is that he needs a special tool to open a beer bottle!
Wrong site, i know.
I guess this is ok, if you don’t have a machete.
As a collector of bottlecaps (really) I’m intrigued. So many openers bend the cap or flare up the edge, You don’t need to murder the poor cap to get the beer open. A good bottle opener should have at least three points of contact, two wideset and one in the center. This probably won’t bend the cap, but it will flare the edges. But with two bolts (or, preferably three) it might just be a better opener than most on the market. When I’m without my trustworthy ergonomic IKEA opener (the best of hundreds I’ve tried over the years) the best method for opening and preserving the cap is to use a soft wood ledge- grab the bottle around the base of the neck, put the cap on the edge, and then whack the hand holding the bottle with your other hand. I’ve left many a hotel desk with my trademark gnarl.
You are all welcome, now you can toss only pristine bottlecaps into the trash.
As my boyfriend is also an avid collector of perfect bottle caps, I would love to find him a bottle opener that does not destroy the caps. You mentioned IKEA in your post, but I couldn’t find anything on their site to lead me to believe they had a bottle opener that would open and preserve a cap. Do you have any idea where I could go about finding that particular one or perhaps another that works in the same manner? Thanks!!
redneck engineering at its best!
Notice the bolt is held in place by a beer nut.
I can open a bottle with a lighter, spoon, fork, knife, chapstick, pretty much anything hard, even another bottlecap……AND I’m a girl. suck on thaaaaaaat!
marry me!
Cool!… This one is really good! WINNER!
I Use a pair of pliers whenever im in by garadge and want to open a home-brew, takes a few seconds but is woth the wait.. will knock up this beauty though!!
In Denmark, if a man cannot open his beer with a damp newspaper, he is likely to loose his citizenship…
Seriously…whilst remotely cool, this kludger wasted valuable drinkin time to make that, when there are so many items already in existence that will open a beer…
pocket knives, lighters, other beer bottles, pliers, hammers, and annoying peoples foreheads, just to name a few.
A Man who isn’t able to open a beer bottle without an regular opener isn’t worth to drink the beer
If you need some samples:
http://stuff.twoday.net/
(German site, but most of the samples are from Austria)
IMPORTANT:
No kangaroos in Austria!
There are jumping in Australia
Come here to Estonia and You will see how People using them Brains.
Poor Coutry, as We are
1. Aperantly a REAL man can’t do anything by himself. (starve infront of the fridge) ><
2. Who drinks from bottles? pints come with preopeners :p
3. U can open the damn pop-off with just about anything from your hands to paper etc. :p
4. I f**king want a damn beer now!!!