Real Men Don’t Use Can Openers
Submitted by: Tony via Submit a Kludge!
Favorite Comment: Fixer Paddy says, “I have never wanted a can of tuna this badly.”
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And real men do not die of internal bleeding when they ingest metal!
Because they already died of external bleeding trying to get the tuna out of the can.
Real Men don’t bleed to death from having their arteries ripped open from a jagged can edge.
Right, they just drink the whiskey straight out of their arteries.
To quote Wiki…
First cans were robust containers, which weighed more than the food they contained and required ingenuity to open, using whatever tools available. The instruction on those cans read “Cut round the top near the outer edge with a chisel and hammer.”
Sounds like this poster is just living a bit in the past (1815 or so)
Indeed, strange but true: the can was invented decades before the can opener!
Canning food was invented in 1810. The first can opener was patented in 1858, but during the Civil War soldiers were still opening cans with bayonets or even shooting them with rifles. The first modern-style can opener was patented in 1925, and could still use improvement, as it leaves a sharp burr. Pull-top cans don’t require any tools, but leave a fairly-sharp lip around the inside.
The saying ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ comes with a disclaimer: that invention won’t necessarily happen anytime soon. (‘Soon’ is always relative to the present moment, not when the necessity first arose.)
Still, he used premade tools. A real man would have either used just a toothpick or made something himself.
Anyone wants to try my homemade hammer? It’s safe, I think.
“It’s safe, I think” is a whole different website.
“It’s safe, I think” tends to be related to quite a few of the photos here. It’s uncommon indeed to find it in the comments.
Real men obey their kittehs and would do anything to give them tuna.
A whole new meaning to ‘pussy whipped’?
And the tuna is barely dented…
Nothing that a zip tie wouldn’t fix.
Aww Crap! tuna?! I wanted beans!
You could have looked at the label; try that when you have a dozen cans that have sloshed around in the bilge water of your sailing boat for a week.
Real men don’t feed cats
They feed on them.
man, canned food ? screw that
I’ve done this trick before, but I was able to stay near the edge all the way around. It’s amazing what you come up with when you’re working security overnight & you thought that the can was a pull top.
Those weren’t exactly precision instruments used to get the job done.
Lets hope for god sake this guy’s day job isn’t brain surgeon.
I would at least recommend NOT putting this in his CV if applying for the job.
Why not? At least this guy has shown he can get on with the job when their MediTool SkullKutter 3000 is on the fritz.
All that work and all you get is tuna? Gross.
I’d be a little disappointed too.
Looks like huricane season…
A flat head woujd have been much more efficient
And the screwdriver visible here is?
Hmmm….maybe Jo was referring to the person opening the can??? LOL
Ironically, he broke the can-opener trying to get an old screw out of the wall.
That’s what I thought too…
A metal saw would have been more fun to use and could have provided the eater with a source of aluminium!
It’s steel, not aluminum.
Wow kitty must be hungry.
… ask yourself why my kitty’s name is Horse.
Yea, we used to do that all the time when we didn’t have a can opener on the job site. It’s fairly common actually, though I gotta say this guy did a piss poor job of it.
Probably using the claw of the hammer as a fork shortly after
He should’ve used the claw to open the can in the first place.
Real men don’t use a hammer and a screwdriver to open a can either, they use an angle grinder or alligator saw; if the food requires cooking, a plasma cutter or acetylene torch may be the preferred tool.
Reminds me of the time I used that can-punch dealie to try and open a can of tuna. I ended up using the kitchen shear on it – and sliced my hand open.
Teeth instead (tools are just dressing).
Real men aren’t Chicken of Debris.
A luch by MC Hammer!
After all that it turned out to be tuna in oil :/
A torch will “puff up” the can and make it easier to cut, and cook the food at the same time.
I’ve had to violently tear open a can once to get at my dinner on a night shift. If I ever find the pic I should send it in.
If kitty swallows some of the metal shards, the “can-opener” can be used again
If you HAVEN’T done this, you’ve never been more than 30 feet from your kitchen…
… without a Leatherman, or at least a Swiss Army knife.
When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. And when you have a can, everything looks like a can opener.
Starved enough.
Is the hammer to pound it shut when he’s done eating?
Don’t make me open a can on YOU!
Bob Vila having lunch on “This Old House”.
After all this, he still remembers to put it on top of a paper towel – excellent.
Chuck Norris would just swallow it whole!
I thought he’d just borrowed Chuck’s can opener, but you’re probably right.
Somebody must have really been hungry.
how does that guy open his car without keys??? oh yeah he takes a “new” one daily … from the scrapyard!
I have never wanted a can of tuna this badly.
Hell, I could have gotten that open with only the pliers–stab (hard) and peel, repeat if necessary…don’t need no stinking hammer and screw driver!
The man points from opening the can with a hammer and screwdriver balance out the loss of man points from eating tuna, which in no instance is a manly dish. Of course, that excludes eating a raw, wriggling tuna that you wrestled to the deck of the boat.
A real man would have used his teeth…………
lolz I did something like this, except it was spaghetti o’s and i just used a pocket knife and a wire cutter
chances are he had a hack-saw in the tool box – this guy used the wrong can opener
I just used a pocket knife and pounded it with the heal of my hand. It of course folded on me aaaaaand I cut my self.
Oh jeezus, my boyfriend did this. With a can of chili. He broke the can opener somehow and resorted to using a beer bottle opener (the kind with one pointy end) and a hammer. With all the bright red chili sauce it looked like he’d murdered someone in my sink.
What a great way to introduce him to your parents! “Mom, dad, he is not a Socio-path.”
Real men would just hunt the tuna down with his bare hands.
Real men don’t use a hammer.
A knife would have made a far neater job of it. My GF broke my last can opener yesterday, but dinner was saved by the use of an ordinary vegetable knife.
Opened a can of salmon last weekend with a bottle opener and a spoon. I think it took more calories to do than were in the can.
What a great way to lose weight! The energy required to attain the tuna must be far greater than the energy gained by eating it.
The pliers are sticking again. Must find oil….somewhere.
Real men don’t use can openers…but hopefully they keep their tentanus shots current.
Real men don’t worry about tetanus. Tetanus should worry about real men.
http://www.prguitarman.com/photos/lol_comics/217_lulwutpear.gif
A man, a can, a plan
I came home from a long day at work once and my fiance greeted me with a can of tuna, a screwdriver, and a bottle opener and said, “I would not have survived in the civil war.” I think if he’s found the hammer he would have been okay…
MMM! Honey, what did you spice up this tuna helper with?….Is that rust?
Did he check the kitchen drawer first?
I think I’ve seen this cartoon before.
I honestly wish that my roommate and I had video-taped us using the can opener to remove pegs in the shelf system we were making. Real women use can openers.
bah! Even my girlfriend can open can without can opener and we don`t even use such fancy tools, all we need is a good knife and the effect is better than here
Real men use a dremel tool!
I once used a rubber mallet and a screwdriver to open a can of salmon …
Chuck Norris doesn’t use can openers.
Real men don’t need food in order to survive, food needs them in order to exist.
I can’t decide what’s more disturbing; The fact that someone actually did this or that they bent the damn screwdriver doing it.
I once used an ice axe to open a can of tuna, albeit we were at 12,000ft elevation in the Colorado Rockies (and damn hungry)